Gadzooks! Those Cell Phones are Taking Over

Do you remember the movie Invasion of the Body Snatchers? There's probably been numerous remakes of it, each one gorier, I'm sure. I saw it as a teen (long ago if you must know). Well, I think cell phones have become intelligent and are secretly working on controlling all humans around the world. I mean, why else would people use them non-stop at the most impolite times? Here's evidence--

Exhibit A: At a recent performance of Tortoise and the Hare we were doing, a father in the front row answers his cell phone TWICE during the 25-minute production.

Exhibit B: Some time ago, we went to a movie and just as the movie began a cell phone rang and the woman HAD to answer it. She was forced to, you could tell. Her conversation was a loud whisper (I heard it one aisle over and three rows back): "I can't talk right now...I'm at the movie...I can't talk right now...No, I can't talk right now." Finally someone further away from us yelled, "Hang up the phone." Apparently this is not an unusual occurrence and has expanded in devious ways; a young friend said he recently had to tell a teen at a movie to turn off the cell that was using the ringtone that only teens can hear.

Exhibit C: Only a week ago, I was at a writer's conference and a phone went off in the middle of an intimate 15 person workshop. The Mind-Controlled individual was overpowered and she answered the phone as she was exiting. Bang, goes the door in her hastiness to get out of the room...and whoosh it goes again as she re-enters to grab paper and pencil at her table... and bang goes the door again as she left for the second time in less than 30 seconds.

And more exhibits in brief:
D: An acquaintance has on his bluetooth at a children's show. (I shamed him into getting it out of his ear--he was with his girls, for Pete's sake, on a daddy-daughters excursion).
E: Another acquaintance was watching our murder mystery and had the bluetooth in. Luckily, it didn't go off during the show because she would have answered if it was one of her grown kids.
F: At a church, phones will sometimes go off and even get answered. (If only God used text messaging, right?)
G: A person we called answered the phone to say, "I can't talk right now. The doctor just came in."
H: When performing improv mime at a high school prom, I saw numerous young men playing with their cell phones as their beautiful dates sat next to them. (I shamed one young man into putting the cell phone away. Ah, mimes can get away with so much!)
I: When taking information for a singing telegram, the wife tells me that the husband always runs into things when he's using the cell phone while driving. (Eek!)

The evidence of cell phone take over is astounding. Humans of the world RESIST! If you're right in the middle of a [doctor's appointment, play, movie, class, argument with your spouse], don't answer the cell! You can do this! If we have any hope of being back in control of our own lives, we must resist the power of the cell...

Oh! My cell phone is going off and it's not even 9 a.m. I shall resist! I shall walk away and go eat breakfast. (But what if it's someone important?)